home alone

the bf has at the last minute left me home alone again. tonight's the 2nd night that i cooked and ate dinner on my own. i got a shock when xuanee told me he's in london now and tt he may not be coming back for a few more days. !!! then i checked my phone and saw his messages. asking me to pray for him tt he can go back to notts tmr. london and/or bath??!! i'm confused, i've no idea where he's going. bleahhhh

so i'm very grateful for xuanee who took the initiative to go up to my room for a chat and to present me with a box of 12 krispy kremes!! :) it's really so nice and generous of her. we went out to the city later and it was fun shopping with a girl for a change. we bought colourful GAP boxers for our respective malaysian bfs and Zara kids clothes for her sis and my niece. i'm really glad that i could confide in her about the recent issues that i've been facing. it's very refreshing to hear a 3rd party perspective. something in particular which struck me was how she said "vincent is such a good guy!" "he treats u so well and loves u so much" "talk things through with him first". it's just comforting to know that ppl who know us can see for themselves his love and care for me; that i'm not harbouring any delusions about the relationship. i should be more appreciative and not so discontented. i've been really grumpy and mean to him. sometimes i wonder, why does he love me so much? why is he so sure? i really don't see myself as that special.

anyway, we had a long, serious talk last night and he told me alot of revelations which he had over the past 2 days, when he was going through alot of stress and suffering. thank you God. you really do answer prayers, in your time. i'm over the moon. so proud and happy for vincent that he's finally convicted of all the stuff i've been telling him over the past 1. 5 years!! :) he's matured so much since we first knew each other. he's been listening to my Christian music repeatedly, voraciously reading the Bible and alot of my Christian books and surprise surprise, asking me to pray and study the bible together almost every night! i would never have expected this from him. the ex bad boy. God, You are amazing, You do change and convict the mose unlikely people.

so vincent told me that he wants to:

1) be a serious christian and love God again.

2) make sure that we go to church every sunday- no excuses of waking up late or of tiredness.

3) be involved in house group (bible study) and help out in church

4) let go of his bitterness towards God. he realised instead that God has been good to him despite all the setbacks that he has faced this year! the key is not to focus on the self, but on God. it's not about us, it's about Him! and then one's perspective would be set right again.

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth
Will go strangely dim
In the light of Your glory and grace"
- From a Christian song

5) he apologised repeatedly to me, for various reasons. and then he promised to give me my own space next year, as well as his encouragement for me to meet my friends and new people without tagging along. yes he's almost always the only guy whichever group of friends we hang out with! hahaha. since he has no close guy friends after jason went back, he said that he will get to know more Christian guys in church because he wants their friendship and advice! most importantly, that he will not try to do everything for me, but instead, guide me and let me learn it myself. a good example being cooking. he realised that doing so would retard my personal growth in different aspects and impede my quest towards independence, contrary to one of the main reasons i'm studying overseas.

6) work very very very hard next year and excel in his studies!


praise the Lord! to those who have been praying for him/us, thank you so much. :)


p.s while i was typing this, i received a text from xuanee, stating "vincent wants me to tell u he loves u very much :-) very rou ma". hahaha aww

Baking Day

It's a rather lazy Thursday afternoon with alot of breeze. How I will miss staying in big, airy Joy Court! I just read more of Lee Kuan Yew's memoirs, which really makes the Singapore Story come alive. Tons better than boring National Education lessons which we had in school.

Since today is such a free day, I have decided to do some baking. Will make a trip down to NTUC later.. Brownies or mango crumble, or both? Hehe I'm going to swim and then cook Japanese with Cheh on Saturday morning, so am looking forward to that. Then await Somebody's grand arrival in Singapore! Roll out the red carpet! I can't believe we're meeting after 2 months of being apart. I'm used to not having him around already, but I'm sure things will be fine. Haha got to practice my Mandarin in the meantime.. Dun wanna be labelled a kantang. Excited... :) Can't wait for him to meet my family and friends and experience the life I live here. He will be so overwhelmed!! Xin instructed me to tell him "Eh Carol's CGL wants to meet you". Hahaha.

Separation is hard. He keeps dreaming of me; how come I don't dream of him? It's not fair. Only in dreams can I be in 2 places at the same time.

Inquisitive Itchy (the neighbour's cat) is on my window sill playing with the curtains now. She followed me into the house last night! Naughty... Anyway Whisky has recovered; his eye is much better and he is cute and clean once again. :)

Love

The heart is the happiest when it beats for others.